A Bouquet Of Freshly Sharpened Pencils

"Se cae el cielo y que más da tenemos nuestro mundo"

2007-06-20T22:46:00.000-07:00

Last night my family got home from our trip to Arizona. It was a lot of fun! There is nothing that brings you closer to your family then all 12 of you being in the same car for 12+ hours. My cousin, Marylee, got married on Saturday. It was a beautiful wedding and her husband seemed pretty cool. I didn't really get to talk to him.

One of my other cousins, Kelsey (Marylee's little sister), got engaged while we were down there visiting. It was really sad because no one in her family really approved of the match. When I asked some of my other cousins what they thought of him one said, "He's alright" and another flat out said that he didn't like him. Her parents have been discouraging her from marrying him and even when she first told me that she was engaged I just didn't feel very happy for her. It was sad! It was so different from Marylee's wedding. I just don't want her to do anything she will regret. She is only 19 and he is 22 (I think). I think she feels like getting married younger means that she is more attractive and more mature than the girls who get married later. I just feel bad for her.

On the other hand...my sister Debbie brought her boyfriend on our trip. She has never had a boyfriend before so we know it is pretty serious. It was the first time we had met him (yeah, the car trip made a great impression). His name is Elio Valenzuela and he is from Chile. He is really cool! I really liked him and I am crossing my fingers for a wedding this fall.

Well I hope you all had a good weekend while I was gone and that everyone has a wonderful day!

"Made my whole body a weapon"

2007-06-04T15:06:00.000-07:00

Wow...I really stink at using computers. I have been trying to get into my blog for about a month and I just figured out why I couldn't and it is just because I had no idea what I was doing. I feel so stupid. Oh well.

School is over and I am so happy. I am excited to not have any more homework. I am going to miss my friends but I will see a lot of them doing other things this summer so it's all good.

We had our first Cross Country run today and it wasn't that bad. I was really nervous about it but we didn't run very far and they really let everyone run at their own pace. It was great! I am pretty proud of myself because I was able to run the whole time and I didn't feel like I needed to stop until I was on about the last 1/4 mile. It was just good and I am excited to keep training with the team. I am hoping it will help me get in better shape for some of the hikes my family has planned this summer.

Well, I am just really happy that I finally figured out how to get back in. I hope you all have a wonderful night!

-They asked me where Spain was too! I said, "It could be anywhere!"-

2007-03-19T15:08:00.001-07:00

I was locked out today. If I don't drive to school then I don't take my keys and if I don't have my keys and get home early then inevitably I get locked out.

I was actually glad I was locked out today. I got to think (I thought about doing my math homework but...) I know I think all the time but it was different today. The weather was nice. I was all alone (which doesn't happen very often at my house) and I didn't have anywhere to be. It felt good.

My English class did this huge presentation today on School Reform. We were all in groups that talked about different aspects of school reform and we presented it in front of a bunch of important people (The principle, our parents, the PTA president, somebody from the school board, etc.) in the choir room.
It was really fun. We went way over our time limit but we did a better job than I thought we would. I got really nervous. I don't know why. It wasn't like I was going to say anything stupid. I had everything I needed to say written down. It is strange. I don't get nervous when I make a comment in class (and there is always a chance that whatever comes out may be regrettable) but when I have planned what to write I can't talk and my hands shake. It's kind of frustrating. I am always afraid that I am going to forget something or convey the wrong message.

My mom and my sister cleaned my room for me on Saturday while I was at work. It looks so nice now. I couldn't ask for a better family. You know you are loved when someone cleans your room.

...I can help him on Tuesdays

2007-02-13T22:32:00.000-08:00

I just started a job at the beginning of January. I work with Kortney at Lonnie's Cleaners (It is a dry cleaners) and I have really enjoyed it. I honestly didn't think I would for several reasons. The biggest reason being that I am just really lazy. I had a job with an insurance company last summer and it stunk. I hated it and quit after 3 weeks. Even though I felt justified in quiting because it was pointless work (just busy work really-like the crosswords in Physics) and I didn't need the money-I still felt like a failure. I felt like I had failed because I wasn't able to make that job work.

I was really hesitant to get a new job because I didn't want to fail again and I didn't want to dread going to work everyday. Well I did get the job and I still work there a month later.

I actually kind of like it. I am constantly doing something and I am working other people. We all have to get it done before we can leave so we have to work together and learn to get along. I like that feeling. I also get to work with the customers and I love working with people.

Sometimes it is a little frustrating when I can't find their clothes or there is some other problem but I like figuring it out. I like searching the rack until I know that they know I have no idea what I'm doing. I like apologizing to them for someone else entering the information in the computer incorrectly, so they know I care and I like finally turning their problem over to the manager...

A couple days ago we had this guy came in (we will call him Tom for our purposes) and we couldn't find his clothes so Tom said he had an errand to run at Ream's and then he would come back.

While Tom was gone we found his clothes. Everything was good but before he came back another guy (aka Bob) came in. We got Bob's clothes, no problem. It was only about 10 minutes after he left that we realized he had not only taken his own clothes but Tom's too! We didn't know what to do.

There were really only two things to do; laugh or cry. We laughed until we realized that Tom was still going to come back for his clothes and one of us had to tell him that Bob had stolen them.

It actually went over really well. We called Bob and left a message on his machine politely informing him that he had stolen another customers clothes and we would be very grateful if he could return them. Tom came back from Ream's and was really nice about it. He realized that it wasn't our fault and that we were doing the best we could to try and get his clothes back.

It was a bit stressful but after it was all over I felt good. I had been in the middle of a crisis (having a customer's clothes stolen is a problem-it not only subjects me to the wrath of the customer but also puts the company's business in Jeopardy. If the word got out that Lonnie's customers had their clothes stolen at the store who would bring their clothes to us?) and didn't freak out. I just found the best course of action and went with it and you know what? Everything is alright now. Both Tom and Bob have the clothes that rightfully belong to them, no permanent damage was done, and I came out of it with more confidence in myself. It's a win-win situation really.

I was driving home today and talking to my 12 year old brother Richard. He is really cool but he is a punk. He was telling me about all of his and his friends girl problems and how they handled them. Apparently his school is having a Spring Dance that the 6th Graders are invited to attend and our conversation went something like this:

Richard: Oh no, the 6th graders are going and Abby will want to dance with me.

Marissa: What's wrong with that?

Richard: I just don't have time to dance with all the girls that will want to dance with me.

I have to reprimand him for being so cocky but I have to admit I was impressed. He is so confident in himself. People like him and he knows that. He feeds off that attention. I have never been like that. Even in Elementary I was kind of a recluse. My mood was very dependent on what others thought of me but if I received a compliment I would blow it off because "they didn't really mean it" "they are just saying that to be nice."

I am jealous of Richard's confidence. After talking about the Dance he proceeded to tell me about this girl that his friend liked but told me that she would never like his friend. Teasing him I said, "Oh, but she'll like you?" And he said, "Yeah I think so. Marissa, I'm attractive okay."

I love my brother. It is amazing how the world changes. It seems like my younger siblings are doing things and learning things that I didn't learn or do until I was at least 3 or 4 years older than they are. I feel like the rest of the world is racing by and I just can't keep up.

"It's the most wonderful time of the year"

2006-12-26T23:34:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!
I hope you all enjoyed yourselves and remembered the real reason for the season.
I have had a wonderful holiday so far. All of my siblings (and I mean all of them) were home and we all celebrated Christmas together. There is nothing better than being with the people you love and knowing that there is no time limit to how long you can be together. That is how I think Heaven will be. Although we won't always be in the same place at the same time there will be nothing keeping us from visiting anyone we want for any amount of time. That would be so nice.

So I got a lot more presents than I expected and my sister gave me a new book. I got a lot of cool things but the book was what I was most excited about. There is something about knowing that at my own leisure I can explore and re-explore a new life in this story that excites me. I have never been a good writer but I really appreciate the people who are.
I also received a new high-tech blender from Jamba Juice. I did not see that coming but I am so excited. Smoothies and shakes are pretty much my favorite food. It is going to be awesome!

I watched Polar Express tonight and the Conductor said to Billy at the end, "Friendship is the greatest gift of all" (or something similar to that) and I realized that it was true. Katie and Molly came over today to give me a gift (they are so nice) and it was a great gift (another book of course) but I would have been just as happy if they had come just to visit. I value their friendship more than any gift. The same with the rest of my friends and my family. I do a lot of what I do to please people and it is not because I want them to give me anything...except kindness and love. What could really matter more?

I hope you all had as great a Christmas as I did and I love you all!

"I Guess I'll Cry Instead"

2006-12-12T14:31:00.000-08:00

What was up with last night?
It seems like everyone I know had some sort of emotional break down. I don't know what it was but it wasn't fun for anyone.

I am thankful that God gave us the ability to cry. Crying is like throwing up: It hurts when you start but you feel better once it's over. Even if whatever makes me cry hasn't changed I feel better after crying. It relieves the stress of the situation and I feel like it's not as big a deal as I thought and even if it doesn't get better it won't be the end of the world.

I am super excited for Christmas! I have been looking forward to this Christmas for about 3 years. All of my family will be home. My siblings are finally all home from their missions, Karl won't have left yet, and my sister and her family are also coming. We are all going to sing Christmas Carols, eat good food, and be together. I love my family!

This was kind of random but I want to tell you Kortney that you can always talk to me (even if I don't have any gas money) and you have made a difference in my life. Thanks!

"I am not a hero. I am not an angel. I am just a man"

2006-12-05T14:36:00.000-08:00

So, I officially decided that I am sick of doing poorly in history. If I had studied myself to sleep every night, read the chapter, and taken notes like I was supposed to and then gotten a bad score on the test I would be okay. That would not frustrate me because I would have performed to the best of my ability. If I don't know the answer than I don't know the answer but this...
I can't stand looking at a question and thinking, "I should know the answer to this." I may not be the smartest person but I am not stupid. I know how to study and when I am not studying enough.

I am going to start today and I am going to sudy my history atleast one hour every night like Mr. Rockwell told us to dang it! So you should all see an improvement in my scores from now on and don't let me be a slacker any more.

In fact, I am going to start right now and do my assignment because who doesn't want to read about subsistent farming? I know I do.

A guy in a really nice camper wants to put our song on the radio...

2006-11-28T20:17:00.000-08:00

...Give me a pen I'm signing, your signing, we're all signing.

Things I don't like:

-When someone tells me I can't listen to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving; Christmas music makes me happy and I like being happy all year round.

-Sloppy Joes; I don't know why. There is just something about them that doesn't appeal to me...maybe it's the taste.

-Planning to go work-out (or clean my room or practice an instrument) and then sitting at home thinking about why I am not up doing it.

-The elliptical machine.

-Hearing someone swear and not realize that they swore until about 2 minutes later.

-Facing my parents when I know they are disappointed in me.

-Not wanting to help someone when they ask for help.

-Feeling like I need to be excited all the time. Sorry but sometimes I am just not excited. That could be a good thing because then you know that if I appear excited for you then I really am. Sincerity is best.

-Losing my temper.

-Being disappointed in myself.

-Breaking my promises...having to go back on my word.

-Riding the bus; that may be why I have become so skilled at missing it.

Enough of that...

Things I do like:

-Coming home on a snowy day after walking in the cold and discover that Mom made hot chocolate for me. Then cuddling up on the couch with my hot chocolate to watch a movie with one of my little brothers. (Families are the best)

-Good lighting.

-When my family is all together.

-Being invited.

-Being told that I am loved!

-Laughing

-Fun, spontaneous activities with people I like

-Getting everything that needs to be done done.

-Reading/hearing something inspirational

-Setting goals

-Playing music just to play...no deadlines, no expectations

-Being appreciated

-Dancing

-Singing

-Giving well-deserved compliments

-When my mom chooses to study in the front room instead of the kitchen so that she can listen to me play.

-Being with someone who I can just be with. We don't have entertain or impress one another. We can just sit next to each other thinking our own thoughts silently and be content.

-Personal one-on-one conversations.

-Meeting someone new...whether I end up liking them or not.

-Sharing secrets...keeping secrets.

-Trusting someone and having them trust me.

-Loving people

-When life is just good and there is no reason for it.

-Making a strangers day

-Pumpkin Pie

-Going out to eat without a time limit

-Finding out that one of my friends has a really awesome hidden talent.

-Unity

-Good quotes

-Support...Katie you're the best!

-Respect; both ways

-Feel good Oldies music ("Don't know much about history"-"Oh where, oh where can my baby be"-"This magic moment")

-Getting something new

-Exercising

-Bananas and Taco Soup

-The real people Jungle Book; by far my favorite movie ever...it has everything!

-Sandlot

-Sunroofs...or is it a moonroof? I guess it depends on what time of day you are climbing out of it.

-Believing my covers will save me from anything.

-My dad singing me to sleep.

Wow! I like a lot of things. Well that is all for tonight.

A Soft Answer Turneth Away Wrath

2006-11-20T14:28:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 15:1

If everyone lived by this scripture the world be a better place. Seriously, why are people mean. Besides some kind of sick satisfaction what does anyone gain by it?

I got a ride home from one of my friends today. She called her brother to ask for a ride and I don't know why he was in a bad mood but he was really angry with her.

I understand that sometimes people are just irritable, me included, so it didn't surprise me too much (isn't it sad that we are so used to it?). What I noticed was how my friend responded to his rudeness. She got really defensive and yelled into the phone something about walking home and hung up. Fortunately for me he called back and said he would give her a ride home. She responded really sarcastically and he told her that he couldn't give her friends a ride.

He gave me a ride anyway because he know me and I live close by but even when we got in the car both he and my friend were being very rude to each other.

It was the opposite of Thumper's theory...unless they had something mean to say they didn't say anything at all. It was ugly.

I wanted to stop her mid-sentence and just say, "Can't you see what you are doing? If you had just apologized and thanked him for coming to give you a ride or not said anything at all it would have been better." Neither one had any sympathy for the plight of the other.

This kind of behavior is ridiculous and can most definitely be avoided. Sometimes I hear people say to a sibling, "Well your my sister so you have to love me." I am sorry to say it but that is just not true. Any good relationship, relative or not, has to be built. You have to work at getting along.

There are always those people that are "kindred spirits" you might say but it isn't always that way. If you don't make any effort to get along with your family than you probably won't. Most people do just because they are around them so much and loving is easier and feels better than disliking.

Why can't everyone just try to get along and be nice. Being angry is so selfish. It is all about yourself. You have no concern for anyone's feelings but your own. Then later you feel guilty and don't even want to think about your own feelings. It is a vicious cycle.

On a more positive note...my sister had her baby last Wednesday. He is my 5th nephew: Samuel Lance Franklin. I love my nephews a lot and sorry to all of you with nephews out there but my nephews are the cutest.

It was my birthday yesterday. Yeah for being 17. It basically feels the same except now I can give blood. I am pretty excited about it.

Jr. Choir...Yeah!

2006-11-13T20:09:00.000-08:00

I Love Jr. Choir! The concert was so much fun tonight! Not only do we sing great songs but all the coolest people I know are in it. Choir is my favorite!
There was only one thing...all those days of practice focusing and blending vowels for 5 minutes of singing. It seems to me that we didn't get the performance time that should be allotted for our practice. I know that all that practice was necessary in order to perform as well as we did. That the value should be based on quality and not quantity and I believe that. I will just say one thing-we need to sing in the commons again.
That would definitely make my day.

Good job everybody and Goodnight!

Trustworthiness

2006-11-10T16:23:00.000-08:00

My sister said something to my mother today that I found very interesting. In fact it made me a little frustrated. She said, "The only person you can trust is the Lord." Now don't get me wrong. I believe you can trust in the Lord for anything ("For with God anything is possible") but I believe there are a lot of people in this world deserving of trust. Understand that the reason my sister (Debbie) made this comment is because of a family issue. My aunt and uncle are in the process of getting divorced for various reasons. Her comment was not unfounded and I highly doubt she really believes what she said but it inspired me to write.
I know from experience that some people are just jerks and will take advantage of trusting, gullible people (I am probably the most gullible person I know) but we can't go through life not trusting anyone but the Lord. A lot of the time the Lord works through others to help us. If we can't trust anyone we can't form healthy relationships. We won't be able to depend on anyone and we would be forced to everything on our own. A lot of people do not become trustworthy until someone takes a chance and places their trust in them. When they are faced with that responsibility they step up to the plate and accept the challenge. It is foolishness to form a world standard based on one situation.
While my mom was talking to my sister she said, "You can trust in yourself too." Debbie's response was, "I can't even trust myself." Then she said something similar to, "Do you think that -------(name omitted) thought his life was going to end up that way?" This really bothered me. No one should think that you are doomed to be one way for the rest of your life. No one should think that certain mistakes are unavoidable for any reason. That is the whole purpose of agency. We can choose how we want to live our lives and where we want to be in 10, 20, 50 years. You do not need to leave it up to fate...I don't even believe in fate. I believe in God putting you in the situation that will be best for you but not in pre-destination.
We all need to trust in ourselves. You can't accomplish anything if you don't have confidence in yourself. And don't be afraid to trust other people. You may end up on the losing end but atleast you gave them a chance to prove themselves. Don't worry, you'll live even if you are left hurting. Any pain or embarrassment will be worth it when you find someone you can trust. And I promise there are people out there like that. I know a lot.

Question of the Day:

2006-11-10T16:18:00.000-08:00

If you were in someone else's body would you still like the foods you like or would you like the foods they like?

"Same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world"

2006-11-08T20:55:00.000-08:00

Anyone who makes over $1000 on a fundraiser MUST have a guilt-free conscience.
I like making money, especially free money, and I want to go on tour...really bad. Fundraiser just aren't my thing. Are fundraisers anyone's thing?
The people come and get you excited about selling this product, regardless of its true value, and make you think, "Yeah, I can do this. I am going to pay for all of tour and I won't even have to get a job now." Then you leave Orchestra and the fire starts to die down. It is so far gone by the time you get home that you start to wonder why you even took the brochure home.
I really have no drive sell things to my neighbors. If it weren't for my parents financial situation I wouldn't even consider it. The fundraiser guy told us that selling by phone was more efficient than going door-to-door. I was going to do that but I felt so bad about it not being personal that I ended up going door-to-door anyway. Then I feel bad because a lot of the people think you are coming to visit them and when they realize that you are trying to sell them something their countenance falls and this sad expression replaces the luminous look they showed when the door opened. So to compensate I have to stay after they buy (or even if they don't) and talk to them for at least 10 minutes. You can't get very much fundraising done if you spend 10-20 minutes at every house.
Another problem I have is when someone starts to say no or even hesitates I immediately stop trying to sell to them and say something like, "It's okay if you don't want it. I probably wouldn't buy it either." -("We're not going to sell a lot of tapes this way")- I could never be a solicitor. The company would make a profit by firing me.
My real problem is that not only do I not like selling a product but I don't want to make anyone feel bad if they can't buy it or just don't want to. That is exactly the opposite of what the fundraiser people want you to do. You are supposed to say things like, "I am going on tour with my school and to raise money I am selling cookie dough. Would you like to help me?" They want you to pull at their heart strings and I can't bring myself to do that. If someone is going to help me I want it to be because they know me and want to help me because I have done them some kind of service in the past, not because I can give a short sentimental speech before introducing them to my product.
This past summer I worked at Farmer's Insurance making calls and offering to give the customer a quote on their auto insurance. I hated it! I love talking to people and I wasn't afraid to call strangers. I didn't like that my call was undesired. No one was excited to talk to me once they knew who I was representing. I don't like that feeling.
If I have a relationship with someone I want it to be good. If I have a conversation with someone I want it to be, at the least uplifting if not personal. That is all I have to say about solicitation...I can't talk about it for too long. I get flustered.

Doorbell vs. Knocking

2006-11-07T19:12:00.000-08:00

I need to preface this by telling you that my family has not had a doorbell for about 5 years. We have now had a doorbell for approximately 5 minutes and I can't stand it.
The sound of a doorbell is so unnatural. How many people really want to hear a cuckoo sound everytime someone comes to their door. Having no doorbell opens up so many possiblities:
-You get to be creative with the Please Knock signs your Mom asks you to put up (it's always good to quote a little scripture D&C 4: 7).
-It is a conversation starter.
-It is fun to see how many people will read the sign, ring the doorbell, and then read it again and realize that they were supposed to knock.
-Knocking is much more personal.
I always hesitate to ring the doorbell at someone elses house because I don't know if it is going to work. This might not have made sense but the incessant dinging (that has yet to stop) forced me to vent somewhere.

I went to my first swim meet in about 3 years today (last time I went was to Karl's sophomore meet and seeing him in a speedo was enough to last me a life time-let alone the experience on tour last year) and I actually had a really good time. I got to spend some quality time with my friends and see my other friends do what they do best. Go Swim Team!

Everyone get to bed early and sleep well!

Expectations

2006-11-05T20:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, this blogging thing is completely new to me so give the benefit of the doubt. I love reading my friends blogs because I can get to know them in a way that the school setting does not allow. Every so often I feel I have something worthwhile to say and today is one of those days. This is what made me decide (after several people encouraging me to do so) to start my own blog. Here it goes...
Sometimes I think I expect to much of others. Whenever I learn something new or decide that doing a certain thing is important I think that everyone else feels (or should feel) the same way. I realize, of course, that this isn't true.
For example: Today was Fast and Testimony Meeting. I decided a long time ago that bearing my testimony during these meetings was important and something that will help me grow spiritually. I try to bear my testimony every time even if I don't feel particularly full of the spirit. My hope is that bearing my testimony will remedy that. Now don't feel bad if you don't do this. My intent was not to send anyone on a guilt trip. I bore my testimony today and when I got off the stand I sat down and looked around at all the people I knew that hadn't gotten up. Usually I would try to catch their eye and silently encourage them to get up. I really shouldn't do that. I don't know why they have decided not to get up but I should respect that decision. They may not be ready to express their feelings in public or need more support than a monthly head nod during sacrament meeting. A little encouragement is alright but I don't want to make them uncomfortable.
On the other hand, I appreciate it when a lot is expected of me. The high expectations of others is what pushes me and makes me want to improve in school, music, or whatever else I am doing. I hardly do anything without thinking about whether or not it will disappoint my family. I will admit that I can be pretty lazy when left to my own devices. I need that drive. I would rather have someone be disappointed in me than hear them say, "Oh, I knew she wouldn't be able to do it." That's not cool.
So where is the happy medium? How do you decide if you are expecting too much or too little? We just need to remember that most everyone is trying to be better. I figure if we don't expect very much than we will be pleasantly surprised when they have a lot to give. I have been so impressed with all the new friends I have made this year. There are so many amazing people in this world that are doing amazing things. Don't forget that you really do have unlimited potential and that the most important expectation is what you expect from yourself. If you expect greatness you will get it. I believe in you!